How Seto Kaiba Stole Christmas!
Written by Naomi

Author's Notes- Oh the shamelessness of it all! I bet this kind of fic has been done before.... but that's okay! This is my version (and trust me, that makes all the difference.). Just please note that I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh OR Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas, they are ideas and copyrighted by their respected owners, blah, blah, blah. Also, I do NOT hate Seto Kaiba. I just found it amusing to pick on him for once ^.~ If, for some reason, you need to contact me, my e-mail is CardCaptor505@aol.com. Comment, flame, whatever. I also realize that some words don’t rhyme… but that’s okay! I can deal with it, so you can too!
Now, enough talk. On with the madness!

Every Duelist in Domino liked Christmas a lot....
But Seto Kaiba, who lived just north of Domino, did NOT.

Kaiba hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. Not even Pegasus knows the reason.
It could be that his hair wasn't done just right.
It could be that his trench coat was on just a little too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his brain was two sizes too small.

But,
Whatever the reason,
His brain or his hair,
Kaiba stood in his office, thinking of revenge with great care.
Watching down from a Kaiba Corps window with a sour, evil frown
At the bright lighted lamps that glittered in Domino town.
For Kaiba knew that Yugi was down in Domino below,
Throwing a party for his friends in the snow.

"And he didn't invite ME!" He said with a growl.
"Yugi invited Tristan, Mai.... and even Joey!" Kaiba roared with a snarl.
Then he sulked, with his Kaiba fingers agrivatedly drumming.
"I MUST stop their Christmas from coming!"

For,
Tomorrow, he knew...
.... All the Duelist girls and boys
Would wake up at the crack of dawn and play with their toys!
And then! Oh, the horror! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
From the game shop to Kaiba Corp! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the Duelists, young and old, would sit down and feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would feast on Duelist-pudding, and the rare Dueling beast,
Which was something Kaiba couldn't stand in the least!

And THEN,
They'd do something
He liked least of all!
Every Duelist in Domino, the tall and the small,
They'd stand close together, and when Joey stopped scheming,
They would all start to sing, and Kaiba's ears would start bleeding!

They'd sing! And they'd sing!
AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more Kaiba thought of this ear-splitting pain,
The more Kaiba thought of the headache he'd gain.
"Why, for forty-five seconds I've put up with it now!
"I MUST stop Yugi's Christmas from coming! ...but how?"

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
SETO KAIBA GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know exactly what to do!" Kaiba laughed in his throat.
"I'll get my lackeys to make me a Santy Clause hat and a coat!"
He cackled and hissed, "What a great Christmas trick!
"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!"

"Now I need a reindeer...." Kaiba looked around.
But this was Domino city, and there was none to be found.
Do you think THAT stopped Kaiba?
NO! He just simply said-
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So he called his kid brother and he took some red thread
And he tied a big horn on Mokuba's head!

THEN
He loaded some bags and sacks with great care,
On a lackey made sleigh, and hitched up his 'reindeer'.

Then Kaiba said, "Get moving!"
And the sleigh rolled down,
Through the Kaiba Corp halls to where the Duelists
Lay a-snooze in Domino town.

All their windows were dark, no one knew Kaiba was there.
All the Duelists were dreaming of Duel Monsters without care,
When Kaiba arrived at Yugi's house on the square.
"This is his house," The young Kaiba Clause hissed.
As he scaled up the roof, empty bags in his fist.

Then he jumped down the chimney, a rather tight squeeze
But since Kaiba wasn't perfect, he wasn't aiming to please.
Kaiba got stuck just once, for a second or two,
But he finally got free and slid out of the fireplace flue
Where Yugi and friends' stockings hung in a cute little row.
"These socks," Kaiba grinned. "Are the first things to go!"

Then he sneaked and he snook, with a glare most unpleasant,
Around the main room, and he swiped every present!
Duel Monsters cards, of course, roller skates, and drums!
Mistletoe, candy, popcorn, and plums!
And he packed them in bags, leaving them all over the floor,
Then Kaiba, very hastily, threw them out the front door!

Then he slithered to the icebox and grabbed the Duelists' feast!
He took the Duelist-pudding! He took the Dueling beast!
Kaiba stole all the goods as quick as a flash.
Why, that trickster even swiped the last can of Duel-hash!

Then he kicked all the food out the front door with glee.
"And NOW!" Kaiba pronounced. "I will steal that old tree!"

And Kaiba pulled the tree, and much as he dispised
Kaiba heard a small sound that he recognized!
He turned around quick, and hesitated for a few
There, standing before him cowering around the fireplace flue.....
Was Yugi Mouto, who was no taller than 3 foot 2!

Kaiba had been caught by his rival, a situation most unpleasant,
While Yugi only wanted a peak at his Christmas present.
He stared at Kaiba, and made a sad face. "Santy Claus... why?
"Why are you taking my Christmas tree? WHY?"

But, you know, that Kaiba was so witty and slick
He thought up a story, and he thought it up quick!
"Why.... my.... sweet little.... tot..." Kaiba hissed though his teeth as he lied.
"There's.... uh.... a light on this tree. It's not lit on one side.
"I'm taking it over to my workshop..... my.... dear
I'll make my elves fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."

And his fib fooled Yugi. Then, resisting the urge to strangle him, Kaiba patted his head
And gave him a deranged Pegasus doll and sent him to bed.
And when Yugi Mouto was in bed without another word,
Kaiba pushed the tree out the door, making sure he wasn't heard.

Then the last thing in the room
Was the log for their fire!
He hurled it out the door, the old liar,
And on the living room walls, he left nothing but hooks and old wire.

And the one speck of food
That Kaiba left in the house
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.

Then
Kaiba did the same think
To the other rooms
Leaving nothing but crumbs
And moldy mushrooms

It was quarter past dawn....
All the Duelists, sill a-bed
All the Duelists, still a-snooze
When Kaiba loaded his sled,
He packed it with presents, with ribbons! With trappings!
He packed it with food! With decorations! With wrappings!

Three hundred floors up! Up the flights of Kaiba Corp,
Mokuba dragged the heavy load up to Kaiba's mini air port.
"Ha ha to the Duelists!" Kaiba was actually humming.
"They're finding out now that their Christmas isn't coming!
"They're just getting up, I know exactly what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open for a second or two
"Then Yugi and his friends will all cry BOO-HOO!"

"Now THAT," grinned Kaiba
"Is something I simply MUST hear!"
And he paused, placing a hand to his ear.
It's true, Kaiba DID hear a something in Domino below.
It started in low.... and then began to painfully grow!

But the sound wasn't sad!
Why.... this sound, though ear-splitting, sounded merry!
It COULDN'T be so!
But it was! VERY!

Kaiba starred down at Domino!
He tried to plug his ears!
Then he started to tremble!
What he heard was the sum of his fears!

Every Duelist down in Domino, the tall and the small,
WAS SINGING! Without any Christmas at all!

Kaiba HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And he stood there, with his Kaiba-feet ice-cold in the snow,
He stood thinking and pondering: "How the hell could it be so?
"It came without cards! It came without marshmallow fluffs!
"It came!" Kaiba heard the singing. "Oh screw it, somebody get me some ear muffs!!!"
So Mokuba fetched him the ear warmers, and his big brother's ears were now sore,
Then Kaiba realized something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas..." He hollered, over the noise.
"Christmas perhaps is something more, than toys....
"Maybe Christmas is more than things from a store....
"Christmas.... perhaps.... means a little bit.... more."

And what happened then...?
Well, in Domino they say
That Kaiba's small brain
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minuet Kaiba's head didn't feel quite so light,
He made Mokuba pull his sleigh down to Domino with all of his might!
So Kaiba brought back all of the toys, all the goods for the feast!

And he, HE HIMSELF, Seto Kaiba
Carved the Dueling beast.

The End

AN- So how was that? I know, I can't rhyme or spell to save my soul. And I know that some parts got really corny... but it was funny, wasn't it? ^^ I hope so! I'll try to get my other fics done as soon as possible to put up on Crayon Vision! Hope you liked the fic!